In homage to that great dynamic duo of Penn & Teller
Last week’s home newspaper pile (I tend to collect them for a week and then kill a few cups of coffee on the porch Sunday mornings, as there are only a few pages that I glance at its not a time consuming endeavor) ran across this gem on the front page Ukiah Daily Journal and call up July 28, 2009 pdf and check out the lead article “Pond system targets weeds”
A little searching and you can find the correct site for the company, interestingly, there are several entities that go by some variation of “Eagle Research” and there is the tinyurl.com/AquaFraud product – wow $1,795.00! a cursory glance at the product blurb raises a few warning flags (sic)“… the very best in electronic design and homeopathic frequency technology” right, not sure how homeopathic and frequency technology apply to keeping a pond free of a specific plant or “targeted parasites”
The article does make critical thinking optional once he mentions “biodynamically” ah R. Skinner – did you know that preparation 506 calls for (sic)“the Flower heads of dandelion fermented in cow mesentery” um, you read that correctly, not sure how long you’re supposed to marinate the dandelions and I for one don’t really want to see the guy on “Dirty Jobs” take on the collection of the other ingredient – of course, since its homeopathic (sic) “All these preparations are diluted and then activated or energized by a special stirring process known as ‘dynamization’. For those who don't know homeopathic preparation procedures, you then take a small sample of the fermented mess in to a container of water and shake vigorously (exact length of time spent shaking is unclear, different references give different times) then take a small bit of the first solution into another container of water, shake and repeat several times - in other words, you dilute the fermented mess until there is nothing left. In homeopathic terms, the more diluted the better and the chances of even one molecule of the original fermented mess in the final dilution are slim to none.
Anyway, back to the Aquafraud (sic) “ There are no side effects or environmental dangers, and it is completely safe for humans and animals. It does not harm the fish or any other living species other than the targeted parasites… OK, that’s nice to know – how does it work? “Changing the application programming and set-up takes only minutes with no special tools required. The Aqua Guard has the ability to house glass vials that are specially designed frequency collectors inside the unit. These frequencies are radiated out through the stainless steel enclosure of the instrument” notice no mention of what frequency(s) or even if they are talking about electromagnetic, audio or ethereal frequencies – so how do you know which vials to use? “Proprietary vials for weed elimination are available from Eagle Research”. this is contradicted by the article in the paper in which (sic) “Ekert said each vial is the antidote to a particular kind of weed or algae living in the pond. The antidotes are made from samples taken from the pond. Each one targets a specific plant, leaving all the rest of the ponds life alone.” That’s nice to know - and there is even the AquaFraud Plus for only $1,995.00 such a deal! – the article goes on to note (sic) ““The change is quite sudden,” he said. “In three or four weeks we’ll see the weeds start to die,” Ekert said.
I’ll admit I’m not a biologist and my only experience in pond maintenance is dealing with a 38,000 gallon pool. Let me just state that a “sudden change” is on the order of a few hours not weeks, but then I guess I’m just too 21st century to wait weeks for results.
I’m going to attempt to examine the Aquafraud and get some pictures this week but from what I can determine there is some electronics assembly but since as the article notes “ batteries in the device will last for about a year before they need to be changed, but Ekert said the antidotes will continue to work, though new ones will have to be added if a new type of weed starts to grow in the pond. I suspect that the electronic portion is only to flash the lamp and that somehow the ‘vibrations’ of the ‘proprietary’ or is it local samples vial continue to ‘work’ by emitting some – erm some what? “wavelength”? what? What kind? From exactly what?
a few other howlers on the Eagle site
“Structured Water” for only $34.95 you get 16oz. Of “High Vitality Structured Water” in a special blue bottle
And there is the Excel Cold Laser for only $2,500 that will (sic)“ The Excel amplifies the beneficial wave lengths of light. It does not burn or cut, yet it produces a multiplicity of cellular effects” since a laser by definition is a mono chromatic device (as in, it only produces one wavelength of light) so its entirely unclear what the beneficial wavelength(s) of life is/are
Initial communications to the author of the article and to Eagle Research have not been returned to date